with your own penis?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
