I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
