You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
