Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
