I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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