theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
