please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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