Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
