yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
