Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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