is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
