I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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