I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
