In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
