I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
