She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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