Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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