so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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