the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You ruined the universe
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
