I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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