I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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