ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
