I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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