He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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