So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
