how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
