so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
