new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
