Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
