Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
