is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
