I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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