I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
it glows. i had to have it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
