was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
