Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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