I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
