he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
