Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
should my penis look like a turkey
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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