Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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