In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
