The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
