It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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