i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
