His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
