are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
