There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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