I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
