I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
