Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
