Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
