You really coming over, don't trick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
