Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
