I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
