Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
