Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
