Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
